I was 17 when I decided to get serious about my life

When I decided to get serious about my life the first time I was 17, I had just graduated from High School and by some amazing miracle I got accepted to go to SDSU

The big leagues

I was so proud of myself. I knew exactly what I was going to do. I loved music and people, so I made the choice to pursue music as a dream and psychology as a backup.

I remember registration day.
There was a table outside and lots of eager kids just like me ready to take on their next step in life. I had all my paperwork filled out, I did have questions but I felt confident I could get help.

I was next in line. I stepped up to the person handed them my packet and smiled as I waited instructions, she said “Your Money” I looked surprised and got real confused. What money I asked. Tuition, she said with a smile. I said “I thought school is free”, turns out I was wrong.

I was confused and maybe a little embarrassed but still very happy and excited.

That afternoon I remember telling my father I needed money to go to school. His words were
I’m not giving you money for school, you just screw around.
I don’t remember much after that

I do remember how I felt

• Devastated
• Discouraged
• Sad
• Disappointed

The worst part was he was right!
Based on my past.
But not based on my future, not based on my dreams. I was clear what I wanted to do, more clear than ever. Problem was I didn’t have the resources our the guidance to get what I wanted.

So, I never made it back to State.

Had I known about Student Aid, I would have gone that route. If I had a mentor I would ha e listened and taken the advise.

But in my life all I saw was me.

I was short sided I know, but that’s where I was. All alone, Discouraged, Disappointed and sad. It took me over 30 years to see what was missing for me.

Curiosity!

Although I’ve used curiosity in my life I had not used it as a tool to powerfully get me back to my purpose. Back to my Center. Back to my calm open creative and innovative self.

What I did for so long is FIGHT!

Struggle!!
And Fight more!
My whole life has been a series of I’m going to prove you wrong!

All the people who said I was “—“ what ever they said.
I never slowed down long enough to smell and rose much less roses🤣

I’ve never felt good about my accomplishments because they were never enough.

When I did something good I’d and someone acknowledged me I say “Thanks” and quickly move one to the next challenge.

Who’s knows how much Joy I’ve left on the table.

A few years ago I took a little time for myself and I wrote a book. If you don’t know it’s called The Curiosity Theory

Ironically the subtitle is “From conflict to resolution”

My life seamed line an ongoing series of conflicts and the resolution has been Curiosity.

Because Curiosity has given me delegation from my ego and I’m able to look Back at my life and take ownership of my choices without Judgement or Blame. Just a safe, respectful and curious reflection of my life, my choices and the impact they have had on myself and others.

It’s been a blessed journey and I’m just getting started.

A few days ago I read in a book and there was a quote.

At the end of Our Lives...
We Won’t Regret what we did, we will regret what we did not DO

So I thought to myself......

Go Do Something Worthy of Your Life.

Then during my meditation practice I saw I am.

In the words of my good friend Jami Lula

I have so much more to be grateful than to be sorry for.

I’ll leave you with this...

Stay Curious🙏🏽